Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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