I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
