i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this hospital has no fireball
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
