does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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