you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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