my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
should my penis look like a turkey
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
