and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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