planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
