she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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