Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
