is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
