i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
