captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
