i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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