I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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