she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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