first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
