i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Come on in and take your pants off
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