What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
