i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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