remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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