I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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