Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
