just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Are we still banned from the library?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
