glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
