ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
