I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
