She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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