That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
