Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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