in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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