if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
