Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
