She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you had me at cake vodka
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
