Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
