just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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