you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
