im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my shit smells like andre
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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