The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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