I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
