i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
