We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
