I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
