I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
