glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
