I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
