she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
