I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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