Screwed.edu
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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