I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
