i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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