my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
