Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So vagazzling was a success
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
