oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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