So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
