Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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