1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
