I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
